Trailheads to Deeper Healing

Why did I do or say that?

Have you ever found yourself wondering why you fall into the same patterns of response or reaction in your life? Or why certain emotions show up with such strength?

We are all part of various interconnected systems that range from the individual to family, community, culture, and even intergenerational dynamics. Naturally, this means that as we go about our days, we will respond to whatever is happening around us and within us, as well as to these interconnected systems around us.

In other words, life happens, and we respond. We carry the weight of things that others cannot see, whether or not we have experienced trauma. Sometimes, though, our responses might be outsized. We work hard to avoid feeling certain emotions, we find ourselves on autopilot, or we become surprised by the words that pop out of our mouth before we even realize we are saying them. These are all signs that something is here to investigate.

A Curious Explorer

Imagine yourself at the base of a path. You see a trail stretching out before you leading into a shaded forest. Although you have no idea where it might lead, an initial signpost has given you just enough information to get started on the path.

In IFS therapy, a trailhead indicates there’s something more to investigate if we are willing to slow down, listen, and be open to what shows up. We can start by taking a look at what’s happening in our lives: What are we responding or reacting to? What thoughts, sensations, or feelings are we noticing?

Trailheads are a starting point that can carry us somewhere new or known.

A New Destination

It is also common for us to desire certain changes or growth in our lives. To do that, we need to essentially move from point A to point B, with some goal or destination in mind. Returning to the path metaphor, what obstacles lie on the path between where you are now, and where you want to be?

Whatever is in the way, is the way.

We move toward rather than blow past whatever is there, once again bringing openness and curiosity to greet whatever we find. The process is just as important as the destination.

So, how can you start to recognize these trailheads?

Here are a few examples:

• You find yourself scrolling, numbing, or distracting yourself as a way of coping with stress

• You resolve to make changes in your life, only to self-sabotage or make no progress

• You have a harsh inner critic or relentless perfectionist inside that makes it hard to relax or feel good about yourself

• You autopilot into people-pleasing or rescuing others, often while putting your own needs last

• You get reactive and angry over something, then later realize it was an outsized reaction to the situation

• You want to find deeper connection and belonging with others, yet sometimes feel alone even in a crowded room

• You struggle with making decisions, feeling conflicted with no sense of clarity about how to proceed

• You find yourself overwhelmed, filled with self-doubt, or second-guessing yourself

• You worry about speaking up or setting boundaries out of fear of upsetting others, or even losing those relationships

• You can rationally tell yourself that you are doing okay, but on a deeper level feel driven by fear, insecurity, and worry

• You sometimes push others away rather than face rejection or risk being hurt by them

• Sometimes you feel powerless, stuck, or trapped in certain circumstances

• You sometimes feel the urge to withdraw or hide from the world

Let’s Connect

Trailheads are signposts that something within us is in need of support. They are an opportunity for deeper healing. You deserve support and the possibility of greater fulfillment, connection, and joy. Reach out to request a free 20-minute consultation with Alicia.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a trauma-based approach that offers a transformative, gentle, and effective way to heal from trauma, especially in the context of relational healing in a safe and trusting therapeutic relationship.

Alicia Dabney, LMFT, LPCC, ATR-BC is a Level 3 trained Certified IFS therapist and IFS Approved Clinical Consultant licensed in California. She has been a Program Assistant for various IFS Institute Level 1 and 2 trainings, and presented with Marianne Turley, LMFT at the IFS Annual Conference in 2022. Special topics of additional training and experience include complex trauma, art therapy, somatic work, intercultural competence, grief, IFS-informed psychedelic integration, addictive processes, and life transitions.